Now, before we begin, it should be made known that I don’t hate children. I really don’t. Children are a joy, usually. And nobody likes to make fun of little kids. But sometimes, it must be done. And I hate to have to be the one to to it, but there is just no other logical or fair alternative when it comes to The Blackout Band’s “Videogames”. And as much as it pains me to have to mock these poor, sweet children, I feel we’ll all agree in the end that it had to be done.
Apparently the members of The Blackout Band forgot their role in society. Aren’t children supposed to be the future? Aren’t they supposed the embodiment of innocence and sweetness? Shouldn’t I be excited to one day bring children into the world? Because after seeing what these kids have created, I’m losing faith in that belief. Quite frankly, I’m seriously considering a vasectomy at the age of 20, so that I never curse the world by producing a child as awful as those featured in this video.
While I do agree with the concept behind Blackout’s “Videogames”, I have to disagree with the way it is delivered. Sure kid, it would be great to play videogames all day, and I fully acknowledge that they are probably making me dumber and I’m perfectly okay with that. I wish that I could skip school to play Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 all day, but you don’t see me making a music video featuring all my sixth grade classmates wearing glow stick necklaces pretending to have fun to try and express that emotion. We need a new vessel for this idea.
I did a little research on these Blackout boys and found out that they are three 11-year-olds named Hunter, Tug, and Matthew. So, to Hunter, Tug, and Matthew, I have a few words of advice. First, rhyme scheme. I admire anyone who has a desire to rhyme well, but we gotta work on some better ones. “I don’t wanna go to school, I just wanna be a fool, I just wanna play video games, everything else is really lame.” Sensible and coherent as these lyrics may be, not even Dylan could get away with them. Second, never ever use the phrase, “Ya heard?” again unless by some form of black magic (pun intended) you become instantaneously transformed into the shape of a goofy African-American man in the mid to late 90’s. And third, stop everything you’re doing because you’re making the world a less enjoyable place to live.
Just kidding. Number three was a little harsh. Let’s be honest, we’ve all written a bad song or two. It happens to the best of us (see: Muse’s entire Resistance album). I have been very mean to these poor youngsters who just wanna rock out, and that was wrong of me. I apologize. I admire the fact that they have an interest in music and in video games. In that way we are much the same. However, I would advise that they sharpen their lyrical abilities and stop posting their videos on youtube because that plan is one that is bound for failure. We’ll see where these sweet, young kids end up; I’ll bet they land on their feet. In the mean time, feel free to guffaw at one of the most terrible videos that I have had the displeasure of watching in recent years.
