Today is Black Friday, which probably means one of three things:
01. You excused yourself from Thanksgiving avarice hours ago for a different kind, one that lets you shove other people’s most aggressive relatives around in the pursuit of terabyte hard drives and discounted pillows. By now you’re covered in blood and teaching other survivors how to live in the new world you’ve made for yourselves.
02. You’re on Facebook whining about all the sheeple out today, with six Amazon tabs open in your browser.
03. You’re still drunk.
But it also means that it’s now the time of year when you have to do the weird dance of deciding who does and doesn’t get holiday gifts this year. An endless tango of mildly familiar coworkers, relatives you see just often enough in a year, friends who you know are going to get you something so they have to go on the list now, and close kin who turn shopping into a litmus test for how far you can stretch the three to four bits of personality trivia they choose to let you have about them into a thoughtful gift. We here at CoS know this struggle all too well, so we figured we’d lend our expertise to helping you shop for the most specific, difficult personalities in your own life. Happy hunting!