On December 25th, Ted Nugent referenced the name of Jesus Christ while channeling the cruelty of the Romans. He trashed the coronavirus vaccine, called the lockdowns “not a real pandemic,” drew a hard line between Democrats and genuine “American families,” mocked the Vice President-elect as a “Ho ho ho,” invoked about a bajillion racist tropes, and slandered George Floyd — all as part of one of the worst Christmas blessings in history.
The mudslide of hatred came during a Facebook Live video on Christmas Day. The rocker and conservative blowhard began with his impression of The Cowardly Lion singing Christmas carols, before introducing his son, Rocko Winchester Nugent. For a while, they talked about their bowel movements — Rocko’s “vegan love shit,” as well the 72-year-old musician’s most recent defecation, who bragged, “I gave birth to an angry moose this morning.” If you sit through the entire 16-minute clip, you will see Rocko launch a whole quiver’s worth of arrows from his bow as part of “tactical training.” But eventually, Nugent turns to the reason for the season.
“Merry Christmas,” he said. “Ho, ho, ho! No, not you Camel-a,” he continued, mispronouncing the Vice President-elect’s first name. He then vaulted into an extended advertisement for his services on Cameo, which was interrupted first when he saw a squirrel, then again when he recalled finding a nail in the yard, and a third time when he searched for the right words to describe his Cameo performances. “I go above and beyond,” he said. “I’m not sleeping. I’m not comatose. I’m not a liberal. I’m not a marxist. I’m not a Democrat. I’m not a scam artist. I’m not a dirt ball. I’m a fire-breathing rock-and-roll sonufabitch American freedom-demanding shit-kicker — created in the image and likeness of God.”
After finally wrapping up the commercial for Cameo, he turned to the purpose for streaming this video. “So here I am connecting with you on Christmas Day. Merry Christmas everybody around the world.” He then listed some of the (majority-white) countries that he counts as fans, before tripping up on “England, the once great Britain. Because it ain’t great any more. Bunch of sheep. You know the new national anthem over there? The new national anthem around the world?” He bleated like a ewe. “Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Yeah, let me put this [medical] mask on. Baaah!”
Finally, he turned to the blessing. “Merry Christmas, God bless you and your family.” Then, in all seriousness, he asked his viewers to, “Decree every day of your life that we are good people in America. That there’s no systemic racism in America. There’s systemic racism in Black Lives Matter.” Nugent then strained his imagination to cover other areas where prejudice might exist, and came up with the continent of Africa. “There’s systemic racism in the Sudan,” he continued, “There’s systemic racism in Nigeria. But there’s no systemic racism — almost no racism at all in America. You gotta really look hard to find it. I haven’t seen any.”
This odd sort of prayer expanded to cover police, because “the law enforcements here in this country save lives. They serve and protect.” Here, Nugent took a truly vile turn. “George Floyd killed himself with fentanyl. He couldn’t breathe all by himself in the backseat. He fought the cops. They tried to subdue him, to maybe get him some help, and to save the community that he had thugged all his life. So I’m identifying the scourge of the devils so that we can celebrate the positive birth of Jesus Christ, December 25th, 2020.”
Against all logic, he then claimed that he and his fans were “gushing” with love, saying, “We are the American families.” The un-American ‘them’ aren’t explicitly stated, but you can probably guess who he had in mind.
With surprising quickness, Nugent pivoted to the COVID-19 crisis, saying, “We don’t earmark a safety net during a scamming pandemic. It’s not a real pandemic, and that’s not a real vaccine. I’m sorry. I ain’t taking no vaccine. You come at me with a needle, and I will be in fear of my life, and you know what I’ll do if you come at me with a needle. ‘Hi, I’m from the government. This needle is good for you.’ Fuck you!” He smiled. “Do you feel the love? Merry Christmas.” You might need to shower afterwards, but you can watch the whole video below.
Earlier this year, Nugent tried to start a beef with Tommy Lee, calling him a “convicted felon, domestic violence heroin addict.” The famed drummer fired back, asking if Nugent is “even still alive… ? I thought he shot himself.”
Editor’s Note: Don’t be a Ted Nugent! Stay safe by picking up one of our custom face masks. A portion of the proceeds will benefit MusiCares’ COVID-19 Artist Relief fund supporting independent musicians.