Noted geopolitical experts Trey Parker and Matt Stone have solved the mystery of Vladimir Putin’s unprovoked invasion of Ukraine. In the March 2nd South Park episode “Back to the Cold War,” the cause of this aggression is traced to the fact that the President of Russia’s “dick doesn’t work the way it used to.”
“Back to the Cold War” follows Butters as he competes in a dressage competition against Russians. Meanwhile, Mr. Mackey finds himself nostalgic for his own youth in the 1980s, though he lacks the self-awareness to recognize this. After some nuclear bomb scares and references to films like War Games, Butters wins the horse-dancing event, and Mackey gave a TV address to the Russians.
“I know how it is when you’re getting old,” he said. “You start getting aggressive because your dick doesn’t work the way it used to.” South Park cuts to Vladimir Putin nodding in agreement. Check out a clip of shirtless Putin dancing to ’80s music below.
Here in the real world, Russia has captured several southern Ukrainian cities, though the capital of Kyiv remains independent. Many international corporations and entertainers continue to protest this senseless war; Disney, Warner Bros., Sony, and Paramount have all paused film releases in Russia, Live Nation and Spotify have ceased doing business in the country, and Netflix announced it would ignore a Russian law requiring media platforms to carry state propaganda channels. Musicians to cancel concerts in the country include Russian rapper Oxxxymiron, Green Day, Bring Me the Horizon, Iggy Pop, Nick Cave, and more.