For better or for worse, the M&M’s spokescandies have been the most prominent chocolates of the 24-hour news cycle in the past year. But today — on the first anniversary of the day Tucker Carlson publicly complained that the green M&M was no longer fuckable — the company has announced that its long-running animated candies will be taking an “indefinite pause.” In their place instead will be the new M&M spokesperson, human Maya Rudolph.
“In the last year, we’ve made some changes to our beloved spokescandies,” the company wrote in a statement shared to Twitter Monday. “We weren’t sure if anyone would even notice. And we definitely didn’t think it would break the internet. But now we get it — even a candy’s shoes can be polarizing. Which was the last things M&M’s wanted, since we’re all about bringing people together.”
The statement went on: “Therefore, we have decided to take an indefinite pause from the spokescandies. In their place, we are proud to introduce a new spokesperson America can agree on: the beloved Maya Rudolph. We are confident Ms. Rudolph will champion the power of fun to create a world where everyone feels they belong.”
In January 2022, M&M’s unveiled a rebrand that subtly altered the appearances of some of their spokescandies — the anthropomorphic M&M’s who star in the brand’s commercial. This included swapping out the Green M&M’s shoes from feminine go-go boots to a plain flat sneaker, a change that enraged one particularly horny host of Tucker Carlson Tonight.
“M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous. Until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them. That’s the goal,” Carlson whined at the time. “When you’re totally turned off, we’ve achieved equity; they’ve won.”
At the very least, we hope the now-furloughed spokescandies have been offered adequate severance packages. See M&M’s statement below.
Last month, Rudolph also appeared in Who Killed Santa? A Murderville Murder Mystery.
A message from M&M'S. pic.twitter.com/EMucEBTd9o
— M&M'S (@mmschocolate) January 23, 2023